Sunday ComiX – The Uncanny X-Villains: Difficult to Kill Edition

Sundays are for…taking the reins of the Dwarven faction in Warhammer: Total War, and breaking Orkish skulls with…well, warhammers. Obviously.

Sundays are also for discussing the sinister, the apocalyptic, the downright vile villains of the X-Men comic books!

Now that I’ve used my three-pun limit for the day, we can dispense with the pleasantries and get down to it!

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En Sabah Nur, aka Apocalypse: One of the world’s first mutants, and the only one who takes the whole ‘Survival of the fittest’ theory way too serious, Apocalypse is as nasty as he looks — and he looks like…gosh, I don’t even know; at any rate, no one is quite certain of what it is that Apocalypse does; other than survive, that is; the guy’s been mulched, squished, disintegrated, thrown off buildings, shot with a variety of futuristic guns and optic blasts, as well as a virtually endless list of superpowers…and yet he’s still ruler of a ridiculous number of future timelines!

Neat!

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Nathaniel Essex, aka Mr. Sinister: The single greatest threat to X-Men continuity…if we discount about a dozen other characters, Nathaniel Essex is a brilliant Victorian scientist, sworn to help mutants in their hour of grea–just kidding! Mr. Sinister is a twisted psychopath, who’s unlocked the secret to immortality and can basically control and rearrange his body in whatever ways he desires– oh, and he uses clones on a basis that makes even Doctor Doom and his Doombots groan; how unfortunate for the X-Men that he’s got a hobby of prodding them like cattle, and then experimenting on them without any moral quandary!

He’s also got a thing for Scott Summers, having manipulated him for most of Cyclops’ life.

Sweet!

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Sebastian Gilberti, aka Bastion: The love-baby of mutant-hunting robot “Master Mold” and advanced killer robot “Nimrod,” Bastion is all about killing mutants; surprise, surprise, that didn’t win him any popularity with the X-Men, and he was eventually disintegrated by Hope Summers, a very special mutant that’s fallen out of focus after being the center of half a dozen events; but, surprise-surprise again, he didn’t actually die–he teleported into the future, severely damaged!

Who needs Deus Ex Machina when you’ve got a time Machina, eh?!

Y’know what? I think that I’ll be preparing a special robot-centered issue of Sunday ComiX, to familiarize you all with the numerous murder-robots that occasionally duke it out with the loveable X-People!

 

Sunday ComiX: Kitty Pryde and the Scary X-Lady!

Sundays are for–What do you mean, they’re not for poking fun at everyone’s favorite team of mutant misfits, the X-Men? Of Course They Are!

Today’s focus is — you guessed it! — set on one of my most favorite X-Women, Kitty Pryde.

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Kitty Pryde, aka Spryte, aka Shadowcat, aka about fifty other code names: This one, she’s got loads of things going for her — Kitty started out as the clever smaller sister of the X-Men, and particularly of a newly grown-up Illyana Rasputin;  she was the youngest X-Men at the time of her introduction by Chris Cleremont in the 70’s; Kitty rose to be one of the best and brightest graduates of Xavier’s, and currently leads nearly all the X-Men (!); her greatest feats include saving the entire planet from a gigantic planet-killing space bullet (look upwards…yeah), and is an absolute joy to read about in nearly every comic book you pick up.

She was also Star-Lord’s girlfriend, and Star-Lord.

Yeah.

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Lockheed, aka Lockheed, aka…wait, I’m just doing this by force of habit now;

Lockheed is the dragon companion to Kitty Pryde; he once imagined Kitty as a female dragon, and she imagined him as a human male so make of it what you will — what makes the situation even slightly more complicated is that Kitty was 14-15 at the time; kinky!

He will become a full-grown and intimidating draconic horror someday, but is currently a mixture of cute and downright sociopathic!

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Emma Frost, aka The White Queen: Started out as one of the more persistent and powerful enemies of the X-Men, on account of being telepathic — the diamond form you see in the picture above is a secondary mutation, triggered about the time she joined the X-Men, some 20(~ish) years ago; Kitty loathed her and still is very antagonistic towards Emma, and for good reason; Frost used to run an evil version of the Xavier Institute and Kitty was to be one of the first students there…unfortunately, things didn’t quite go according to the plan, and Kitty joined the X-Men, thus cementing a powerful grudge between two scary powerful mutants!

Also, the picture above actually shows Emma clothed a bit too properly for her tastes. This is how she started off looking:

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I wish my schoolteachers dressed like that.

On second thought — better that they didn’t!

Sunday Comix – Defining the X-Men in a sentence, Vol. 01

Sundays are for…defining comic book characters in a single ridiculous sentence!

It seems only right to start off this incredible, mind-blowing series with the original five X-Men! But what kind of a monster would I be if I didn’t start off with the most overused and well- known Canadian runt in the entire multiverse?!

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James Howlett, aka ‘Wolverine’: Let’s face it… He is your favorite mutant murder-uncle.

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Scott Summers aka ‘Cyclops’: He was the major douche in the 90’s animated series and everybody hated him, except that now he’s super awesome and also dead.*

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Jean Grey, aka ‘Marvel Girl’, aka ‘the Phoenix’: She had no personality for a while there, other than being the token girl in the X-Team, and then she died; only it wasn’t her, it was her clone, and she turned out alive and alright, only she died; and then she left a phoenix egg and got revived in the future; only it never happened; and then someone *wiggles finger at Hank McCoy* decided to bring back young Jean Grey from the past into the present/future, and she finally exhibited what psychologists call… a ‘personality.’

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Hank McCoy, aka ‘Beast’: Big, furry man turned big furry man-thing, all too clever for his own good, and prone to venturing on morally-grey territory one time too many.

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Robert ‘Bobby’ Drake, aka ‘Iceman’: The cool younger kid-turned with cocky personality and retconned sexuality which served to anger some; to be fair, there have long been signs.

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Warren Worthington III, aka ‘Angel,’ aka ‘Archangel’: Thinks he’s a literal angel, except when he’s Archangel — then, he’s just a kind-of cool dick who’s also a Horseman of Apocalypse.
Y’know…the X-Men are weird. I love it! The absolute mess that’s their fifty-something year long continuity is such fun, and I ought to do a lot more comic-related content on this blog! If only time were to allow it…

*These two things don’t necessarily go together, but I understand why you’d think that they do, if you watched the 90’s TAS.

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Flirt Vol. 05

Sundays are for sending your mum off to Rome to do her thing – which may or may not include the dominion of all life. They’re for waking up terribly early, because there’s a catholic church over the street, and bloody Catholics are singing ‘Ave Maria’.

Sundays are for lazily studying six units of Management accounting and contemplating whether stabbing yourself in the eye is better or worse than going on to read the seventh unit. They are for contemplating on lost time and future opportunities.

Sundays are fun.

Most importantly though, Sundays are for horrible fantasy pick-up lines! Come to the top of the line and get yours while it’s hot!

  1. “Being swollen by that red dragon would’ve been so much lonelier without you, husband. Say, have you ever…”
    “Now’s really not the time for that, wife.”
  2. “I think you can put that blasting rod of yours to better use, Mr. Dresden.”
  3. “Moaning out a wizard’s true name is almost as dangerous as saying it out loud. Don’t believe me? Just you wait!”
  4. “Are you an illusionist? Because whenever I’m around you, my head is spinning!”
  5. “That transmogrification spell ain’t helping you down there, buddy, no matter how hard you try…”

 

And that just about wraps up the Sunday Flirt series; for a little while at least! I’m all out of ideas –even crappy ones! Next Sunday, something new awaits! See you then!

Sunday Flirt Vol. 04

Another Sunday passes as the hour of exam judgement falls ever nearer.

On that note…Sundays are for avoiding responsibility! Avoiding responsibility and flirting with fantasy characters! And here’s this week of fun fantasy pick-up lines’n’banter.

  • “You’re complicated AND extremely thick, aren’t you?”
    *This works best for books, but also for…*
  • “Honey, don’t say that…This spell does wonders for your breasts!”
  • “I’d never throw the wedding band you gave me in a volcano, not like that ungrateful hobbit.”
  • “Are you a famous scholar? Because I would love to get schooled by you!”
  • “I can see why you’re named Soulcatcher – you’ve certainly caught my soul!

Gosh, these become more and more desperate every week. I really need to get out more.

Sunday Flirt, Vol. 03

Sundays are for…wandering through an abandoned metro and shooting at Nazis and Reds; They are for solving thirty-fifty corporate finance problems; Sundays are also great for stuffing yourself full of pizza. When in Italy… and you might as well watch the season finale of American Gods while you do that. Gods, I’ll miss that show.

Today’s dreadful pick-up lines are, in fact, inspired by American Gods!

  1. “As sure as water’s wet and days are long, so am I. But don’t take my word for it!”
  2. “And I know a nineteenth charm, and that charm is the sexiest of them all, and that charm I can tell no man…but you, my lady, are certainly no man. That I can tell, even with the one eye.”
  3. “Look at you! So buff, so strong – just ready to be bled dry for the glory of Odin!
  4. “Girl, I’d hang from a tree for nine days if it meant getting another kiss, and a coin-sized moon!”
  5.  “My dear man, no matter how much knowledge you discover from the deep waters below Yggdrasil, it won’t prepare you…for me.”

And that’s that. Awful, aren’t they?

Sunday Flirt, Vol. 01 (Five Fantasy Pick-up Lines)

Sundays are for gaming, long days at the beach, longer lunches with the family, and bloody torturous monologues! They’re also the perfect time for pick-up lines. Not any pick-up lines, but fantasy ones; and not good ones, either. No, those are bad pick-up lines. Horrible, horrid old things…

Enjoy five of them at a time, this Sunday and every Sunday, possibly until the end of time!

  1. “Is that a portal to hell you’re opening, or are you just happy to see me?”
  2. “That’s one hell of a basilisk you’re packing.”
  3. “Honey, you’re as pretty as the full moon, and that’s probably why I’m feeling my transformation coming on!”
  4. “Would you like to see my pillar of creation?”
  5. “The blood on your axe will never go away like that…you need a woman’s touch for that…”