Sunday Star Wars: Enough With the Crappy Retconning!

Star Wars fans on Twitter, Reddit and all over the Internet have had a field day with all kinds of interesting tidbits, courtesy of Episode IX’s novelization. Virtually all of it has to do with Palpatine clones – which is one nightmare I’d hoped we had collectively turned away from after Disney’s wiping of ye olde Star Wars cannon.

Alas, no such luck. That nifty legacy idea of clone Palpy is back and ready to rumble, everyone!

The “controversial” news is that Palpatine’s Rey’s dad was a bad Palpatine clone, and that the Palpatine we saw in Episode IX was also a Palpatine clone, I ain’t impressed. I’m also a Palpatine clone, to tell you the truth. And so are you. It’s a palpandemic.*

Point on the first – ah, yes, gods forbid if any Disney property admits to its bad guys having sex. As for the second? Of course it was a Palpatine clone, this makes as much sense as everything else in the movie does! Which is to say, it’s not even in the same ball park.

To avoid more of this nonsense, I offered an elegant solution over on twitter:

This would work so much better for everyone involved, don’t you agree?

This is unfortunately the shortest entry in the venerable four-week history of my weekend Star Wars column as I’ve been busy with several other projects, including the conclusion of the penultimate chapter in my four-year long D&D game; I hope to talk about that too but for more Star Wars goodness, tune in next weekend! I suspect I’ll be talking about one or some of my most beloved or hated characters. Time will tell.

*No comedy writers were hurt in the writing of this joke.